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Sephiroth and Sora SUCK (Nerd Rambling)

October 7, 2006

I feel like I have to get some stuff out of the way. So if you are embarassed by the continued complaints of a typically inward nerd, then skip this post, please.

Sephiroth is in no way a “cool” villain. He is also in no way even a good or effective villain. I know, I have played the game, and I have even mildly enjoyed it, but I still fail to see how Kuja of FFIX fails to get the same recognition as this flavorless schmo. What I would like to point out first is the fact that the only reason that Sephiroth seems to get any popularity at all is due to the length of his sword. Beyond that, not only is he a bad and uneffective villain, but also an uneffective and mediocre character in general. The fact that he ends up wasting so many people in the game means nothing, at all. If you want someone with a big sword, at least just worship Cloud Strife, who even then is a bad character, but at least has some sense about him not only to keep his mouth shut most of the time, but to say sensible things when he does open it, at least most of the time, and have a generally impressive plot twist circle around him and his experiences with the aformentioned lame antagonist. At this, whenever Sephiroth opens his mouth, the only thing that seems to come out is mindless rambling that passes as mysterious, when in fact it is more a failed attempt at mystique and existential philosophy. What I hated about Sephiroth is that he had almost no motivations other than being crazy and attatched to his “mother,” a situation that was not even well explained, and I’m usually pretty intuitive and can pick up on these things easily. What I loved about Kuja was the fact that he was crazy with some kind of guidelines. He just wanted to fuck everyone over, even himself, which is really the essential attitude of the best villains in fictional history, even if you can make the arguement that it makes him a shallow character with no real ambitions (but he does have them, they are just not easily seen). Also keep in mind that Final Fantasy IX is arguably my second favorite game ever, so I’m not just some Final Fantasy slammer with no other purpose.

If you are going to make the arguement that the prime reason for the genious of Sephiroths character is how much the player comes to despise him, you have already dug yourself into an inescapable hole considering that the majority of his fanboys seem to begin to worship him through just the first play through when they realize, “oh shit, he’s got a big fucking sword, all those guys on the message board were right, he really is badass.” I am usually a sucker for storylines and find myself enthralled in even the most typical of RPG storylines. Not only did the gameplay of FFVII annoy me, but it’s characters and the storyline did too. As far as characters go, the only ones I could relate to were perhaps Cloud (he’s surrounded by fucking morons), Red XIII (the curiousity and cluelessness were a nice touch), and maybe even Cait Sith (because he’s strange. I liked that, and there was something to be said about his ultimate motivations). Honestly, I wouldn’t have been sad about the death of anyone else at the hands of this dickhead with a long sword and grey hair, let alone Aeris, who I had not grown to know or love at all during the span of the game. Maybe if the writers had given Aeris more depth in her text, she could have been more easily likeable and approachable as a character. They did not. I found myself wondering why I was supposed to be sad about a girl who I met only so many hours ago being killed. The player barely even knows her.

And this next part is taken directly from a post I have made elsewhere, which I do not feel like re-writing up or rephrasing. The arguement was, “Link vs. Sora,” Link obviously being our favorite hero (who at least doesn’t botch the character development which he ingeniously does not have) from the Legend of Zelda series (when I get my Wii, don’t expect me to be outside for a while), and Sora obviously being the sissy little bitch from Kingdom Hearts.

“I love how Final Fantasy fanboys make arguements solely based on the fact that Sephiroth has a badass sword, and therefore should be the medium of comparison for anything ever. So if I’m gathering this right, and this is assuming that Link and Sora even live in the same universes so that they could even fairly be compared by anyones standards (lol THEY DONT), then because Sora can beat Sephiroth, and because Sephiroth is teh badass and he has a badarse sword and therefore is inately the most powerful being ever, that means that Sora is greater than Link because link cannot beat Sephiroth. Are you seeing the blatant flaws in logic here?

And considering the fact that the performance of both Link and Sora are dependant on A. The most “powerful” weapons in their respective games (which we will just assume is rather obvious, even though it isn’t and this flaw in logic has already made this arguement a complete mess as it is) and B. the performance of the player, the real competition should be between Zelda fanboys and Final Fantasy fanboys. The fact that both parties have even allowed themselves to become equated in stupidity over this arguement is utterly embarassing.

But I think we all knew that. This arguement is trash and everyone knows it. So I will submit my opinion which will no doubt be cut down with the argument that Sora has a fricking sharp key [with stat boosts too!] and therefore wins. And we all know what an “opinion” is and how they aren’t necessarilly NOT BS because sometimes they are just facts worked into opinion form. And my opinion, and this is an opinion because you fricking can’t argue against my view of the situation because I know what I’m thinking, is that Sora is a wimp, the fact that he can beat teh Sephiorth (your bishie) means nothing, and he cannot be magically made more important because of the overdramatic and impotent nature of the game he is in.”

One of the girls in the advisory class that I teach with one of my friends was wearing a Kingdom Hearts shirt. This deeply distressed my friend. In retrospect, he is really the smarter of us when it comes to video games, because he realizes that their only real purpose is to release stress and let your primal instincts take flight. For this reason, which is one I can wholeheartedly understand, he hates RPGs. He has no interest in the storylines like I do, and for a very good reason at that. He loves God of War, and it made him furious that Sora beat Kratos in one of the previous Gamefaqs character battles. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to destroy the Square-Enix headquarters by now, they just piss him off that much. Justifiably? No. But it brings me to the point that Kingdom Hearts is such a fucking bad idea. The Final Fantasy series contains mystique and sophistication (well, most of the time, and I’ve already outlined in some vague way the times that it doesn’t), and the Disney series contains many times slapstick humor and classic cartoon characters.

Just because asians like both DOES NOT MEAN THEY SHOULD BE FUCKING MIXED.

And both worlds are good, that much I’ll say. But so not worth putting together. Just because Disney is in Kingdom Hearts does not make it better simply because people have sensitivity for the franchise and think “well shit, just because it has Disney characters doesn’t mean it’s kiddy.”

Shut the fuck up and eat your goddam Klondike Bar.

I promise I won’t do anymore mindless rambling like this ever again.

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2 comments

  1. I will agree with you on the matter that Kingdom Hearts is extrememly lame, (though fun) that Sora is a lame ass, and that because he beat Sephiroth means absolutly nothing when u compare him to Link.

    Though I respect your opinion, I do have to object to your satement about why people like Sephiroth. You provide a good point that many people do like him because his sword, Masamune, but there are other reasons that he appeals to so many people. I personally like him as a villian because throughout the entire course of the game, Sephiroth is actually dead. He dies in the Nibelheim when he is thrown into the reactor by Cloud. Throughout the whole plot Sephiroth is never really there, he is just a memory, and they make note of that in Advent Chirldren. Sephiroth is just a looming presence thats never really there when you think about it, the whole context of Final Fantasy VII is phycological and its kinda like that Secret Window movie where the guy is fighting with himself the whole time.

    That is why Sephiroth is cool.

    (All the other FF villans are cool too like Kefka and Golbez and Kuja)


  2. That’s a good point, and a point of view I honestly never considered. In that standpoint, I will have to agree with you, Sephiroth was quite a villain for Squaresoft as far as presence and concept goes, but as a badass he doesn’t impress me that much.



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